i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
