i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize