Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
