farters have to be the big spoon...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
