i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
