dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
