apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
