I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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