I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
