My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
