She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
