We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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