it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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