I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
