yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
