Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
