yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize