Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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