Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
