I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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