In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want nice things and good sex
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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