Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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