took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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