i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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