Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
