the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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