I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
