barbara walters just said penis...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
