I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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