at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
