i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
