literally had 100 drinks last night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
