Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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