you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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