i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
