My nipple is on Facebook.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize