i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize