he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize