Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
