You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
