So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
