I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize