her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
