thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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