took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
