I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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