I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
