he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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