You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
