if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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