If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
