What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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