My nipple is on Facebook.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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