just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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