I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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