Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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