we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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