Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
