Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize