She's JV to your varsity
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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