Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
