Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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