walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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