Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's never too late to be topless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
