is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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