arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
