11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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