You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
this is an emotional support booty call
I supernannyed him into submission
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
